*Suicide Warning* Importance of Mental Health in Humboldt County

On Sunday, November 4, 2018, I was driving back to my home in Arcata CA after spending the weekend in San Jose. I noticed a vehicle stopped on the Eel River Bridge, between Rio Dell and Fortuna, with the drivers' door open and no lights on. I pulled over in front of the car after seeing a man walking past the front of the car and walking towards the railing of the bridge. I crashed my car a bit because I noticed something on his back that looked like a gun holster. I parked my car with the hazard lights on concerned that it was a drunk driver in the middle of the Eel River Bridge who also had a gun. I got out of my car with my pepper spray because I was unsure of what was going on but still felt the need to help this man. Since I believed that it was a drunk driver, I started talking to him from a distance and offered him some cookies, but then he started rocking back and forth on the railing. Its when I knew that this man wasn't a drunk driver, but instead a man who needed help or else he would be at the bottom of the bridge. I ran to my car to grab my phone and call 911 as I was doing that I was trying to wave down every car that drove past, but no one did. Before I got to the Eel River Bridge, "at approximately 2205 hours, California Highway Patrol’s Humboldt Communications Center (HCC) received a report of a possible suicidal subject traveling south from Eureka. At approximately 2227 hours, the suicidal subject called dispatch and indicated that he intended to commit suicide but was not going to involve other drivers." When I called 911 that gave them the location of the man, and that's how I knew this man was suicidal. I informed them that he possibly had a gun and I drove my car further away for my safety, but I could still see him. "Just after 2300 hours, two Garberville CHP officers arrived on scene and observed a subject standing near the bridge railing, next to a vehicle."

I was so scared for him and myself before I saw those red and blue lights. "The officers approached the subject to make contact and check on his well-being. As they approached, he removed a large knife from a sheath and stated he wanted the officers to shoot him. " I was sitting in my car with lights in my face, and I could only see silhouettes. I had been curled up in my seat trying to hide from any possible dangers especially since I thought he had a gun. I was fearful that a gun would go off and go towards my car. I saw a flash of light, and then people were tackling the man. I watched as the ambulance drove by my car with him strapped in the back, we made eye contact.

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Last month, "law enforcement officers and mental health service providers from agencies across Humboldt County are participating in training that will help them better deal with people with mental health issues in the field." Suicide by cop is a dangerous incident for everyone involved. Some suicidal individuals will point an empty gun at the police because they know that the police will shoot back in self-defense. Others will have a loaded gun and will want to kill as many police officers as possible before they die. It is traumatizing for the cops and anyone nearby. Sometimes it gives police officers PTSD. Researchers studied data from 1987 through 1997 and found that 11 percent of officer-involved shootings were suicide by cop incidents. Other findings from the study about those who were involved in death by cop incidents:

• 98 percent were male

• 39 percent had a history of domestic violence

• Many individuals abused alcohol and/or drugs

• Many individuals had a prior history of suicide attempts

• About 50 percent of the weapons used were loaded

• 17 percent used a toy or replica gun

In ways, I'm glad I was there to call 911 and that I saw he had some weapon on him. But in other ways, I wished that I had left San Jose an hour earlier. As someone who has PTSD and has experienced trauma like what happened on Sunday night, I was able to know what to do and how to handle myself. I can shut everything down to make sure I survive what's happening, but that means that I've not processed what happened. There was a substantial possibility that if I hadn't used caution and got closer to the man, he could have used me as another possibility for suicide by cop.

Mental health is very present in Humboldt County. Humboldt State University provides many different services for students. The county’s suicide rate is twice the state and national averages, at an average of 26.3 deaths per 100,000 residents in 2013-15, according to the California Department of Public Health. This rate was the highest of all counties with reliable data, according to the state report. Humboldt County consistently ranks among the highest in California for the number of suicides as well as drug and alcohol-related deaths.“The single biggest factor affecting rates on and off campus is access to expert health care — we need therapists, physicians, and especially psychiatrists,” Humboldt State University Student Health and Wellbeing Services director and psychologist Dr. Brian Mistler said. “Humboldt County is drastically underserved, with a ratio of nearly 1,500 people per primary care provider and 4,500 people per psychiatrist; there should be about three to four times that many providers. Imagine even 500 people trying to make an appointment with one person in a timely way.” Barriers for students include not being able to afford co-pays, having ineligible insurance, lack of access to transportation and having a demanding class schedule, Mistler said. Humboldt State University participated in a first-of-its-kind study for the university that found 4 percent of surveyed students had attempted suicide within the past year. The national rate of suicide attempts by college students is 1 percent, according to the Healthy Minds Network, which conducted the study. “Campus mental health concerns are on the rise nationally with levels of anxiety, depression, and other risk factors for suicide growing in recent years — this is happening everywhere, it’s somewhat more intense across most the CSU system and especially where we are,” Mistler said.

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• 25 million Americans suffer from depression each year.

• Over 50 percent of all people who die by suicide suffer from major depression. If one includes alcoholics who are depressed, this figure rises to over 75 percent.

• Depression affects nearly 5-8 percent of Americans ages 18 and over in a given year.

• More Americans suffer from depression than coronary heart disease, cancer, and HIV/AIDS.

• Depression is among the most treatable of psychiatric illnesses. Between 80 percent and 90 percent of people with depression respond positively to treatment, and almost all patients gain some relief from their symptoms. But first, depression has to be recognized.

• In 2014, there were 42,773 reported suicide deaths.

• Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death for adults between the ages of 15 and 64 years in the United States.

• Currently, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States.A person dies by suicide about every 12.3 minutes in the United States.

• Every day, approximately 117 Americans take their own life.

• Ninety percent of all people who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death.

• There are 3.5 male suicides for every female suicide, but three times as many females as males attempt suicide.

• 494,169 people visited a hospital for injuries due to self-harm behavior, suggesting that approximately 12 people harm themselves (not necessarily intending to take their lives) for every reported death by suicide.

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I felt fear like I had never felt before. I had spent most of my life wishing for it to no longer exist until recently. I want to live until I’m 100 surrounded by animals and people that I love. I was faced with the thought that my life would be taken from me by this stranger who stood a few steps away from me. The mind is wild and unpredictable, and this man could have reached over and pressed the gun I thought he had to my head or held the hunting knife he had to my throat in hopes that the police would kill him. I went back into my car a drove about 50 feet away from him and cried on the phone with the 911 operator, the police, and my mother thinking it might be the last time I would talk to her when he disappeared into the darkness that surrounded us, thinking he was sneaking towards my car and to me.

This man was going to jump off a bridge something I almost did five years ago. I know what it feels like to stand on the edge and look down below you and wait for the right moment to jump. There's a fear of the unknown but its an almost calm fear that numbs your body and mind. But I didn't, that moment never came, and I immediately felt like a failure because I couldn't even take one step forward. It took some time for me to realize I wasn't a failure, I wasn't weak - I was strong because I didn't take a step forward I took a step back and then another until I was safe until I wasn't standing on that edge looking down at the world below me. Suicide is seen as a weakness if you do it or if you don't - there’s a voice inside telling you to take that step forward, but there's another voice telling you to take that step back. The negative in your life is yelling at you and getting louder and louder until its too much until all you want to do is silence them. But those other voices; the one of your mother telling you she loves you and the sound of laughter and memories of your dog playing, whispering in your ear telling you the greatness and strength you have.